You didn’t think it would end up like this.
Maybe things started out beautifully—intense, exciting, full of promise.
But now, something feels off.
You’re walking on eggshells. Doubting yourself. Questioning your worth.
Still, the thought of leaving makes your stomach turn.
You ask yourself, “But what if it gets better?”
Or, “Am I just being too sensitive?”
Let’s gently walk through it.
Because if you’re even asking these questions, it means part of you already knows something’s not right.
What Is a Toxic Relationship?
A toxic relationship isn’t always dramatic. It’s not always shouting or cheating. Sometimes, it’s quiet erosion—a slow, painful dissolving of your self-esteem.
Toxic relationships often run on control, fear, guilt, or emotional chaos. They make you feel unsure, unstable, or small. And over time, they convince you that this is all you’re worth.
But that is not your truth.
Early Signs You're in a Toxic Relationship
Toxic dynamics don’t always start toxic. Often, they begin with charm, connection, and the promise of something deep. That’s why they’re so hard to spot.
Here are a few early red flags to look out for:
You’re Always to Blame
Do they twist every argument to make it your fault? Do you find yourself apologising constantly—even when you’ve done nothing wrong?
Blame is a form of control. And over time, it convinces you that you are the problem.
You Feel Drained, Not Uplifted
After spending time with them, do you feel energised… or emotionally exhausted?
Toxic relationships deplete you. Healthy ones give back.
They Disrespect Boundaries
Do they push past your limits? Make jokes at your expense? Pressure you into things you’re not comfortable with?
Respect is a basic requirement, not a bonus.
You're Isolated
Do you see your friends and family less than you used to? Have they sown seeds of doubt about people you trust?
Isolation keeps you dependent—and that’s never love.
You’re Anxious When They Text or Call
That little spike of dread in your chest? It’s not normal. A healthy relationship won’t make you feel constantly on edge.
You’re Being Gaslit and Manipulated
Do they deny things they’ve said or done—making you question your own memory, your sanity, your sense of reality?
That’s not forgetfulness. That’s gaslighting. And it’s emotional abuse.
You’re Being Lied To
Have you caught them lying about big things—or small ones that don’t even make sense?
Lies erode trust. And without trust, there’s no solid ground to build on.
They Ask You to Lie
Do they expect you to cover for them, hide things from your family or friends, or twist the truth to protect their image?
If you’re being asked to betray your values to keep their secrets, it’s a serious red flag. Love shouldn’t ask you to be dishonest—especially not with the people who care about you.
They’re Possessive and Jealous
Do they get angry or sulk when you spend time with others? Question who you’re talking to, what you’re wearing, or where you’ve been?
Jealousy might seem like care at first—but when it becomes control, it’s not love. It’s about power. You deserve freedom, not fear.
Your Walking on Egg Shells
One moment they’re loving and warm—the next, cold or explosive. You’re left constantly guessing which version of them you’ll get.
That emotional whiplash isn’t passion. It’s instability. And it keeps you in a cycle of walking on eggshells, hoping to “keep the peace.” You shouldn’t have to earn kindness.
You’re Criticised or Put Down—Even in “Jokes”
Do they make snide remarks about your looks, intelligence, or choices—then laugh it off as “just joking”?
These throwaway comments slowly chip away at your confidence. Over time, they don’t feel like jokes at all.
If someone loves you, they’ll lift you—not quietly tear you down.
They Constantly Change Plans or Let You Down
Do they cancel last minute, go off the radar, or change your plans without considering you?
It might not seem like a big deal at first—but over time, it sends a clear message: Their needs come first.
You deserve consistency. You deserve to be considered.
Why You Might Not Want to Leave
If you’ve spotted some of these signs, you might still feel torn.
And that’s okay. Leaving isn’t always simple—emotionally, practically, or financially.
Here’s why you might feel stuck:
You’re Still in Love
Love doesn’t vanish just because things are unhealthy. That doesn’t mean it’s safe to stay.
You can love someone and still need to leave them.
You’re Afraid of Being Alone
Fear of loneliness is powerful. But staying with the wrong person won’t make it go away. It usually makes it worse.
They Apologise—A Lot
The cycle of harm → apology → honeymoon phase is common in toxic dynamics. But unless change is consistent and sustained, apologies aren’t enough.
You Hope They’ll Change
Hope is beautiful. But it’s not a plan. Real change takes time, therapy, and self-awareness—on their part, not just yours.
How to Start Moving On (Even If You’re Not Ready Yet)
You don’t have to wake up tomorrow and walk out.
But you can start laying the emotional groundwork—one step at a time.
Name What’s Happening
Say it out loud.
“This is toxic.”
Naming it is powerful. It gives your intuition a voice.
Talk to Someone Safe
If the pain feels too big to carry on your own, that’s okay. Trusted friends, therapists, counsellors, and support groups exist for this very reason.
You don’t have to explain everything perfectly. You just have to show up. That alone is brave.
Reconnect with the People Who Love You
Toxic relationships often leave you isolated. Maybe you stopped texting back. Maybe you felt ashamed. Please know—it’s never too late to reach out.
Send that message. Call the friend who always made you laugh. Spend time with the people who remind you who you were before you started doubting your worth.
Love doesn’t just live in romantic relationships. It lives in old friends, chosen family, and quiet cups of tea with someone who gets it.
Keep a Journal
Write down how you feel after every interaction. Not just the big fights—all of it.
Patterns will begin to appear.
Create a Safety Plan
If the relationship is controlling or abusive, make a plan. Know where you’d go, who you’d call, what you’d take. You don’t have to use it—but having one helps you feel less trapped.
Strengthen Your Self-Worth
Toxic relationships chip away at who you are. Rebuilding that takes time.
Start by doing small things that remind you of your strength—solo walks, reading, listening to yourself again.
Rediscover the Things That Light You Up
Toxic love can take over everything—your time, your thoughts, your sense of self.
Now’s the time to gently take those pieces back. Pick up your paintbrush, your walking boots, your camera, your guitar. Get lost in a music, s podcast, a puzzle, or your favourite old films.
You don’t need to be good at it. You just need something that brings you back to you.
Distraction isn’t avoidance—it’s recovery in motion.
Let Yourself Grieve
You’re not just leaving a person. You’re leaving a version of your life you once believed in. That loss is real, and it deserves space.
Write it out. Cry it out. Talk it through with someone safe.
Grief is not a sign you should go back—it’s a sign that you cared deeply.
Letting Go: The Grief No One Talks About
Leaving a toxic relationship isn’t just slipping out the door and never looking back. It’s standing in the rubble of a life you imagined and realising the future you sketched in bright colours will never exist. You grieve the holidays you thought you’d spend together, the inside jokes you expected to share for decades, the “maybe next year” plans that once kept you hopeful. You mourn the version of them you fell in love with—and the version of you that believed this love could be safe.
That grief is raw. It can ache in your chest like a fresh wound, even while your mind reminds you of every cruel word and broken promise. You might wake up missing the warmth of their body next to yours, the sound of their keys in the door, the way they knew your coffee order by heart. And then feel guilty for longing at all.
Please hear this: missing them doesn’t mean you made the wrong choice. It means you are beautifully, painfully human. Love doesn’t switch off just because you learned the truth. Missing someone who hurt you only shows the depth of your capacity to feel—and that is something to cherish, not shame. Hold your grief gently. With time, that tenderness will turn inward, and you’ll start loving the person who finally chose to walk away: you.
When You Don’t Want to Move On—but You Know You Need To
This is the hardest part, isn’t it?
When your head says go but your heart says stay.
Here’s what might help:
Be honest with yourself about what’s not working.
Give yourself permission to feel everything—the sadness, the anger, the fear.
Visualise the life you want beyond this pain. One where you feel calm, respected, and free.
Remind yourself: It’s okay not to want to move on. Do it anyway. Your future self will thank you.
Healing Doesn’t Happen Overnight
You might still love them. Even after everything. Even after the shouting, the silences, the way they chipped away at your peace.
You might still find yourself replaying the good moments—the laughter, the kisses, the way they once held your hand like it meant something sacred.
You might miss them at the most unexpected times. When your favourite song comes on. When you walk past your old café. When something funny happens and, instinctively, you want to tell them.
And yes, you might go back. Once. Maybe twice. Maybe more. Because hearts don’t always move at the same speed as clarity.
That doesn’t make you weak. It doesn’t mean you’re failing.
It means your love was real. That your hope was strong. That you gave someone the benefit of the doubt because that’s who you are—a believer in second chances, in people, in love.
And now… you’re learning to turn some of that belief inward.
You’re not just walking away. You’re unlearning, untangling, and beginning to choose yourself.
That’s not weakness. That’s a quiet, aching kind of courage.
And it will carry you forward—step by shaky step—toward something softer. Something safer.
Something that feels like peace.
Final Thought: You Deserve More
You deserve a relationship that feels safe, steady, and kind.
One that allows you to breathe—not shrink.
If you’re in a place where you feel lost or unsure, start here:
You are not alone.
You are not overreacting.
You are not “too sensitive.”
You are waking up.
And that’s where healing begins.
