"What Brought This On?" — The Question That Starts It All
"Where is it coming from? Why now?"
These were the baffled words of my nearest and dearest when I tried to explain that I was going through something deep, sad, and most shockingly, linked to events from my childhood. To them, this made no sense. After all, they’d known me since I was little — the confident one, always cracking a joke. Surely they would’ve spotted something wrong?
But trauma isn’t always loud. It doesn’t always arrive with fireworks. Sometimes, it creeps in silently and burrows deep, only to re-emerge decades later, uninvited and unrelenting.
How Childhood Trauma Can Lie Dormant for Decades
Certain traumatic events in my childhood had left me with incredibly low self-esteem. I never felt quite good enough. Once, at college, my friends joked about how pristine and organised my course folder was. What took them an afternoon took me a week — it had to be perfect.
That need for perfection, would cause me to freeze, to panic. I remember my dad saying once, “You don’t have to do your best all the time.” I’ve replayed those words often. But the truth was, I believed I had to work twice as hard just to measure up.
There were other classic Tell Tale Signs
- People-pleasing to an extreme
- Struggling with trust
- Bottling up emotions
- Building emotional barriers no one could climb
Sound familiar? You’re not alone.
When Panic Hits: A Descent Into the Abyss
Frightening thoughts swirl around your head. Impending doom engulfs you as frenetic panic sets in. Your chest tightens, you can’t breathe. Your heart pounds like a primal drumbeat in a silent void. You’re trembling, nauseous and agitated. Powerless you find yourself being sucked down into the black abyss of your mind. You fall, frantically scrabbling at the sides of the dark chasm trying to get a grip to pull yourself up.
Down down down you fall, out of this world and into a darker realm.
You think: I’m dying.
But — you’re not. You’re having a panic attack. And yes, it’s awful, but it won’t kill you and it will pass.
In the UK, around 6 in 100 people are diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder each week (Mind UK). And that doesn’t even scratch the surface of those suffering silently.
So, What’s Actually Happening to Your Body?
When you panic, your body releases a hormone called adrenaline (aka epinephrine), designed to save your life in moments of real danger. Great when you’re running from a bear — not so handy when you’re standing at the checkout in Tesco’s.
What Adrenaline Does:
- Speeds up your heart to pump blood to vital areas
- Fills you with energy by releasing glucose
- Improves oxygen intake
- Sharpens your reflexes
- Heightens your senses
- Shuts down digestion in the stomach (hence the nausea)
- Speeds up digestion in the colon your body’s way of lightening the load (hence the diarrhoea)
- Dulls pain so you can power through danger
This superpower has led to jaw-dropping real-life feats:
- A teen in Cheshire once lifted a car off his dad after it collapsed on him.
- A mum in Cornwall dove into icy water to rescue her child, fighting currents like a superhero.
In moments of crisis adrenaline is our friend, our life saver. But when there’s no real danger and that same system is activated, adrenaline is a hard beast to calm. Adrenaline only stays in your bloodstream for about two minutes, but its effects can linger for hours. When adrenaline is self perpetuated through panic your adrenalin levels may remain elevated for hours or even days.
Whether you are able to curb your panic or not, be reassured that there is a limit to how much adrenaline your body can produce, adrenalin will literally exhaust itself.
I can assure you every panic attack will pass.
You're Not Alone — and You Shouldn’t Do This Alone
Trying to navigate anxiety by yourself is like trying to put out a fire with a teacup. Don’t do it. Find your safe person. Talk to someone — a therapist, a close friend. Just talking out loud about how you feel can be cathartic.
Scarred by your childhood issues, trusting someone may feel like trying to do a backflip off a cliff. But I promise — it helps.
Triggers: The Sneaky Saboteurs
You think the panic came out of nowhere. But did it?
Maybe it was:
- A particular tone of voice
- Feeling trapped
- An emotion
And when you have had a panic attack: the fear of having another panic attack becomes its own trigger.
Try creating an Anxiety Map. Track your emotional responses, the situations around them, and physical sensations. You’ll likely notice patterns that have been under the surface for years — possibly your entire life.
Root Cause: Your Inner Child is Calling
Let’s cut to the chase. These triggers? They’re coming from the child version of you. The one who cried silently, who swallowed pain, who was maybe ignored or misunderstood.
It’s not psycho-babble — it’s the real deal.
That child is still with you, locked away in some emotional cupboard under the stairs. And when those trapped feelings break free? You experience overwhelming sadness, fear and dread.
Your mind will dart to the feeling, it will try to fathom where the feeling is coming from and how to resolve it. Thoughts cycle about and get nowhere. This failure to find resolution causes your mind to delve deeper. You become nervous as the whirlpool of doom descends.
Enter PANIC. Enter Adrenalin. Here comes the racing heart, nausea and you know the rest.
So what do you do?
Hear Them Out
Tell that child:
- “I hear you.”
- “I understand your fear.”
- “You’re not alone anymore.”
- “You are very loved”
You must reconnect with the part of yourself that needs the most compassion.
When dark feelings emerge have empathy for them not fear. Allow them to go. You can’t force a feeling to go, just let it be. Accept that your child is calling out and expressing themselves to you. So don’t you dare ignore the child, push them away, hold them down and make out that they are of no value. You have it within you to free them and let them enjoy your love and become as one.
Why Now?
Big life events can act as triggers: becoming a parent, losing a loved one, job pressure, but often anxiety rears its head when your adult self is finally strong enough to deal with buried emotions.
So if you’re feeling overwhelmed, remember — this may actually be a sign of growth.
What NOT To Do: Avoid the 5 F's
Avoid these common (but unhelpful) responses:
- Fix it immediately
- Fight it head-on
- Focus too much on symptoms
- Frustrate yourself with progress
- Fear your own responses
Focusing on the fear makes it louder. Don’t feed the beast.
Create an Anxiety Map with Coping Strategies
Plot your symptoms, triggers, and responses. Include strategies that help (and those that don’t). Self-awareness is your new best friend.
Exercise
- Releases serotonin (your natural feel-good chemical)
- Burns off excess adrenaline
- Distracts the mind (think squash or tennis, watching a moving ball can be remarkable compelling)
Perhaps establish a routine of different gym exercises and set goals for how many you will complete for each task. Just the simple process of counting stops your mind wandering (counting backwards from 5 can be a quick distraction for your mind too).
Breathing Techniques
Try the 6-6 method:
- Inhale through the nose for 6 seconds
- Exhale through the mouth for 6 seconds
Or try my friend’s quirky version: inhale with 6 sniffs, then deflate like a tyre through clenched teeth. Oddly effective.
Use Creative Expression
Journaling – Write freely, even chaotically.
Art therapy – Colour (mindfulness colouring books are relaxing and help you focus), paint, collage, scribble your feelings.
Try these exercises.
- Choose 3 colour pencils that represent fear. With your eyes closed and the pencil in the hand you don’t write with, draw your fear on the largest piece of paper you can find. When you have finished, rip it up into bits and bin it.
- Choose 5 colour pencils that represent happiness and safety. With eyes open and pen in dominant hand draw your safe place.
- Tell your story in a collage. Choose lots of different textures: twigs, leaves, fabrics, ripped up magazines. Take your time over this, let it be an ongoing project.
- Draw a picture of a childhood memory.
Music – Play it, write it, or just dance around your kitchen.
Develop a Healthy Routine
Eat a varied and nutritional diet. Ask your GP to check these nutrient levels:
- Omega-3s – Good for brain health
- B-vitamins – Support neurotransmitters
- Vitamin D – Often low in the UK (hello clouds!)
- Magnesium & Zinc – Calm the nervous system
- Probiotics – Gut health affects your mood more than you’d think
In Closing: You’re Not Broken, You’re Healing
Healing from childhood trauma isn’t linear. It’s more like a wonky rollercoaster with surprise loop-the-loops. But every emotion you face, every panic you survive, brings you closer to wholeness.
So talk. Create. Breathe. Cry (a lot !). But above all — keep going.
You’ve got this.
xxx
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